Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
