He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
