you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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