Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
