Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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