I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
