the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no, he came in my armpit
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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