His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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