Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
