I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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