He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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