Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
