I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
