I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
