Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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