He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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