peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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