end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
