I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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