Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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