i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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