SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My bed smells like the plague
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
