If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
