Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
