I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
