Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
