D3 body, D1 cock
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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