dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
