you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
where are my eyebrows?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
