i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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