I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
