Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
