Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my being single is dangerous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
