Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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