Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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