I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
