I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
