3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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