I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
