you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
