Will you blow on my dice?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
