This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
