piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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