Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
