i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
