So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
