See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
