What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
