Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
