you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
